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Jan. 9th, 2011 @ 07:19 am last part of the 10 part meme: a confession
I don't feel like I have much to "confess". Confession implies a secret guilt about things done wrong or invoking embarrassment. I have secrets about which I'm not particularly guilty. They don't need confession. They are secret, or rather private, for a reason. I feel guilty about things, but they aren't secret. I've done numerous things wrong, but they aren't secret and I've resolved most of my guilt about them.

So what to say for a "confession" to the internets?

The most significant and unexpected change about being a parent is having my attention ALWAYS split. As a parent, I don't just go for a walk, make dinner, play with legos, drive to work, read Boydon books. In addition to the activity, part of my brain is monitoring C's behavior & participation, potential for mental or physical danger/ development, level of engagement/ disengagement, potential for doom, energy level, likelihood of tantrum, opportunities for fun, emotional state, impacts on schedule, impacts on energy level, opportunities for conversation... It's one of the strangest and most involuntary changes I've experienced. I didn't realize it until A and I went for a walk to farmer's market on a weekend that C was with his grandparents. We were about half way there and I realized that I felt more relaxed, sort of dull-headed, and BORED. C, A, and I made the walk nearly every Saturday. Without C, it felt really different. Now being able to put my full attention on anything is the exception. Even when C is sleeping, like he is now, part of my brain is listening for peeping and tracking how long he's been asleep, etc. It's not like having a partner or a pet, and I very much love Andy and loved my dog-beasts. The level of responsibility and constant vigilance is unequaled. It's something I would not have had the opportunity to experience without the boy. However, it's a trade off for the more focused focus I used to enjoy. However, I now have a legitimate excuse to drop everything, point, and exclaim, "LOOK SQUIRRELS!" without looking like a dope.
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mouse 1
Jan. 3rd, 2011 @ 08:29 pm (no subject)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

1)
img_fork_road_200_250
There are a lot of different ways things can go right now. Step 1 leads to step 2, etc.

2)hole in the road
There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep whole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately,

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

(Bonus)

julie.adams.no.pants

Because I can't keep the boy @#@**# dressed.
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mouse 1
Jan. 3rd, 2011 @ 01:01 pm One meme in 10 parts - part 8
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

1)a great massage.
2)gentle hands on my shoulders, at the base of my neck.
3)a rousing snarky conversation.
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mouse 1
Jan. 3rd, 2011 @ 07:00 am One meme 10 parts - part 7
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

1)Rampant -isms (racism, sexism, etc).
2)Lack of empathy for social justice.
3)Denigrating others good qualities.
4)Mean spirited gossip.
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mouse 1
Jan. 1st, 2011 @ 08:55 pm One meme in 10 parts - part 6
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

1)The boy
2)My sweetheart (A)
3)My mom
4)Lexi
5)Tara
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mouse 1
Dec. 31st, 2010 @ 07:40 pm One meme in 10 parts - part 5
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

1)Moved up north with my ex. I lost 2 years of my life for no reason.
2)Engaged in wishful thinking with dear friends. Power of wishes don't make things turn out.
3)Avoided hard science/ biology courses at the university.
4)Getting that second major in Art History.
5)Wasted so much time, pre-baby. What DID I do with all of my spare time?
6)Getting into that accident on the belt line. Overall, the consequences were minor, that year would have been better if it hadn't happened.
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mouse 1
Dec. 31st, 2010 @ 11:29 am One meme in 10 parts - part 4
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

1)I wonder is [X body part] is supposed to feel that way.
2)I love my little boy.
3)Too much to do. Too much to do.
4)Tired.
5)What should I make for [X meal]?
6)Oh Sh*t. I'm going to be late for [X]!
7)Oh Sh*t. I forgot the diaper bag.
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mouse 1
Dec. 29th, 2010 @ 07:58 pm One meme in 10 parts - part 3, compressed due to vacation ending
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

1)Tact + honesty.
2)The world's best cookies. Not as hard as you think - they're sold at Sentry.
3)Follow up.
4)That thing I said I liked in passing, unexpectedly bringing or mentioning it to me.
5)Putting up with my printing presses in the garage.
6)Laughing with me.
7)Squid jerky.
8)Agreeing to take the cat to a forever home. *sigh* No takers?
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mouse 1
Dec. 29th, 2010 @ 12:39 pm One meme in 10 parts - part 2
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

1) I thought parenting was for suckers. Turns out it is pretty cool. My choosing to parent is very Andy-specific.
2) I start many more projects than I finish.
3) This is a problem, because I can't let unfinished projects go. They just lurk in my closet and brain until both explode. That costume that I started for C when he was 6 months old. Yeah. I still NEED to finish it.
4) All of my stress is self-induced. I'm very fortunate. Also, I'd be less stressed if I could think about things differently.
5) I have a very hard time making friends and hold on to the ones I have too tightly.
6) I'm at a point of significant transition. Many of the "facts" I know about me no longer are accurate. I don't know where I'll end up. It's sort of weird.
7) I'm less bothered by corporate whoring than I feel like I should be.
8) I don't like okra. Just. Don't. Like. It. - I'm really digging for stuff now.
9) I'm trying out a 30 day waiting list for things I want to buy. If I still want it after 30 days, I can decide whether or not to get it. Currently on the list: holiday cookie cutters, bed springs for the day bed in the basement.
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mouse 1
Dec. 28th, 2010 @ 09:53 am One meme in 10 parts
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

1) I really don't want more stuff. I appreciate the thought, but am drowning in stuff as it is.
2) Thanks for letting me sleep.
3) You are an unprofessional bitch and I hate working with you. Acceptance my ass. Die in a fire.
4) I'm feeling pretty good about how things are between us. You deal with your own emotional goo.
5) Please stop buying plastic toys for the boy.
6) Don't really want to make you live in a 200 sq foot trailer.
7) Sorry about forgetting your birthday. Again.
8) That thing that you said, it changed my life. "like"
9) I'm not christian. I'm ok with you being so, but I'm really not.
10) I love you. I appreciate you more and more. Thank you.

Andy points out that I have too many "I am angry" comments. I'm not particularly angry. Those are just the things that are more likely to remain unsaid, so are more likely to fall into the "would like to say" rather than the "already said" category.
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mouse 1